The new year is a good time for getting rid of stuff that’s worn out or used up, or that we’re just plain tired of.

In that spirit, I’m offering my personal Top 10 list of words and phrases that are prime candidates for the Dumpster as we enter 2003. Some of these have been around a while and others are of recent coinage, but all of them have outlived their usefulness – if they had any to begin with.

No. 10: “Upscale.” Once a somewhat serviceable, though ugly, word, “upscale” has been overused until it’s threadbare. Everything is, or aspires to be, “upscale” these days, from gated communities (see more about “community” below) of million-dollar houses to taco stands.

Time to send “upscale” down the garbage disposal.

No. 9: “Natural.” “Natural” is a word that appears nowadays on the label of virtually every food – e.g., “Mama Marinucci’s All-Natural Old-Fashioned Cajun-Style Spicy Pepperoni Stix.”

Mama’s concoction no doubt is “natural” in the sense that it is manufactured from chemicals that are found in the natural world, but aside from that, the word is meaningless. To the recycling bin with it.

No. 8: “Community.” This word once meant a group of people living in the same geographical area and having certain interests in common. Nowadays it’s the real estate industry’s term for “housing development.”

We have instant “communities” now. Some builder throws up 100 tiny tract houses made of cardboard and Popsicle sticks, and it’s a “new home community.” On the “upscale” end, we have “exclusive golf communities.” (And what’s a “golf community” anyway? Do you have to have a five handicap or better to get in?)

Whatever. Time to send “community” to the landfill.

No. 7: “The post-9/11 world.” In the wake of the terrible events of Sept. 11, 2001, a new world supposedly emerged – “the post-9/11 world.” In the post-9/11 world, everything is utterly different.

That’s the way the pundits and politicians describe it, anyway. For the great majority of us, though, the post-9/11 world seems pretty much the same as the pre-9/11 world.

“The post-9/11 world” is a handy rationalization for politicians who want to start wars, stifle dissent, shred the Constitution and shovel hundreds of billions into pork-barrel defense projects. The rest of us can do just fine without it. Trash it.

No. 6: “Closure.” This word was silly when it first came into vogue several years ago, and it’s downright ridiculous now. “Closure” is what people supposedly want if they’re victims of some crime or injustice – anything from mass murder to slipping on a piece of orange peel in the supermarket.

It’s unclear exactly how “closure” is achieved, except that in most cases, it seems to require the award of a vast sum of money to those desiring it.

In any case, “closure” is a nonsensical word. Toss it.

No. 5: Using “@” for “at.” Once upon a time, the @ symbol was seen only in bills of sale and other business documents – “10 gross Mama Marinucci’s pepperoni stix @ $12.25 per gross = $122.50.” But thanks to the Internet and e-mail it has crept into general usage: “See you @ the pub @ 5,” “Call me @ the office @ 10,” etc.

I guess there’s nothing exactly WRONG with this, but it looks dumb, and “@” is harder to write than “at.” For me, anyway, and this is my list. So there.

No. 4: Using “z” instead of “s” at the end of words. This atrocity got its start in the world of hip-hop music and has spread into the world of kiddy toys and candy. There’s already a swarm of products out there with names like Bratz dolls, Dinky Digz, Rescue Rigz and Chips Ahoy Cookie Barz. I guess putting the “z” on the end is supposed to convey instant “coolness” on otherwise ordinary products.

The big danger is that this practice will infect adult discourse and pretty soon we’ll all be driving carz and drinking in barz and watching movie starz. (In fact, right here in Bend we already have an “adult dance club” called Starz and a downtown restaurant called Marz.)

For God’z sake, stop thiz madnezz before it’z too late!

No. 3: “Weapons of mass destruction.” This is another bit of post-9/11 silliness. “Weapons of mass destruction” are what eeee-veeel nations use to terrorize their neighbors. We are about to go to war with Iraq because it has “weapons of mass destruction,” even though we can’t seem to find any. (Of course our allies have lots of WMDs and we have more WMDs than anybody, but that’s okay because we’re the good guys.)

The problem with this phrase is that it’s essentially meaningless. Like, exactly what IS a “weapon of mass destruction”? Aren’t all weapons “weapons of mass destruction,” once you get beyond the sword-and-spear stage?

I move that “weapons of mass destruction” be scrapped in favor of a more precise description, such as “weapons owned by countries that aren’t nice.”

No. 2: “The (Something) at (Someplace).” I don’t know where or how this trend started, but it passed the point of absurdity years ago. Right here in Oregon we have (among many other examples) The Inn at Spanish Head, The Resort at the Mountain, The Grill at Widgi Creek, The Shops at the Old Mill District and The Bathroom at My House.

Okay, I made the last one up. But seriously: Are these names simply the result of slavish imitation, or are the people who come up with them totally witless? I mean, how hard is it to think of a name for a bunch of shops that’s cleverer than “The Shops”?

Get a thesaurus, guys. This shtick is getting oooooolllllld.

Finally, No. 1: “At the end of the day.” Yet another catchphrase spawned in the wake of 9/11, this means “when all is said and done” or “when it’s all over,” as in: “At the end of the day, what matters is that Saddam gets rid of his weapons of mass destruction.”

We hear “at the end of the day” throughout the day from countless reporters, analysts and pundits, and at the end of the day, we are bloody well sick of it. The end of the year is a great time to get rid of it.

Here’s hoping that your year ended with good cheer and your new year is even better.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 3rd, 2003 at 9:39 am and is filed under Bruce on the Loose. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.